Need help with an idea

[Ravenhill]

I'm working on a script at the moment - just sketching it out at present - and I'm a little bit stuck with certain aspects.
Here's a quick run through:

Set some time in the future, mankind has spread to the moon and Mars. A definite class system has sprung up with the upper echelons of society able to afford to move to Mars and enjoy its beautifully built properties and scenery. Meanwhile, the lower classes have to continue to live on Earth which is filthy, polluted and dying.
Joel, our main character, works for a construction company as a sales representative. When a colleague of his is taken ill Joel is asked to take over a series of business negotiations for a long term contract on Mars. The quickest way to get to Mars is teleport - stick with me on this.
The teleport process is simple: a full anatomical scan takes place, then a brain scan. Finally, the person is broken down into their molecular components and sped through space to their destination where they are reassembled.
At least that's what the teleport company tells people.
In reality, it's much easier to perform the scans, send the information and construct a new body from stock atoms at the destination. The person's original body is then destroyed.
However, Joel is given insufficient anaesthetic and wakes up after the scans have taken place.
The brain scan has sent him into a temporary amnesia. He escapes from the building by leaping out of a window and is presumed dead. He goes to a church and collapses on the doorstep, spending the next month in a coma.
Meanwhile, the teleport technicians on Mars have received the data and construct a new Joel - or Joel2 - who then proceeds to carry on with the business meeting, etc.
Joel2 meets a woman in his hotel and takes her to dinner. Eventually, he succeeds in winning the contract, gets a high-level promotion and decides to stay on Mars with the girl. He ends his relationship with his girlfriend on Earth and transfers his money to a Mars based bank account.

Joel awakes from his coma and is extremely confused. He has no idea who he is. Little by little, his memories come back and he is able to piece a few facts together. He realises that this person on Mars, Joel2, is pretending to be him. He must travel to Mars to kill Joel2 and get his life back.

The important thing however, is that neither of these people are 'the bad guy'. They are exactly the same person.

In the end, Joel and Joel2 work together to defeat 'the common enemy'.

I also have an idea whereby someone of importance, maybe the boss of the teleport company, tells Joel that Joel2 doesn't exist, he is a figment of his imagination caused by the extreme physical shock of the brain scan. A whole explanation of the situation would become apparent and it would certainly seem that Joel is quite, quite mad.
However, the boss of the teleport company makes a silly mistake by indicating where Joel2 is standing. If he is in Joel's mind, how does the chairman know where he's standing? Joel probably shoots him after that.

I have lots of little ideas - for instance what does the teleport company do with the dead bodies? Soylent Green anyone? -but basically I just want to know if the general thing stands up.

By the way, constructive criticism, good or bad, is appreciated. Don't just say, 'Total Recall meets Fight Club with a twist of Gemini Man thrown in'.

Thanks everyone.

[Joel Cox]

You forgot to mention Blade Runner .

You have alot of material here, certainly enough to make a film. Fuck what everyone here says, go make your film. You're more than halfway there, you have decent story .

Joel Cox

[haniff]

OK, the first impression this comes off as a Total Recall "ripoff".
But, it's really quite cool. You've gotta realise that writing this type of thing (which I'm always thinking about) you've gotta understand the duality of man/nature.
The only guy on this planet that has been able to do that is Philip K. Dick. It's no coincidence, that he wrote the original story of Blade Runner and Total Recall. All his books have the same theme. Someone not quite sure who and where he is, and the truth is NEVER really revealled. You always have two conclusions in one story. ie. Blade Runner, is he an andriod himself? Total Recall, is this really true or just the holiday he booked, everything seems too nice?
Or one of the stories I read recently, about a spy who's send to defuse a bomb! But he is the Bomb! OK, I'm a fan!
SO READ PHILIP K. DICK. BECOME HIM. You cool story MUST follow the P.K.D rules. Otherwise it won't work. Don't mess around with a guy who's spent his WHOLE LIFE figureing out the Questions your asking here! You have the answers right here - in his books. So if you need any advice just e-mail me.
Your story? Well the bodies are obviously shipped to mars by normal means by spaceship the normal way to provide the "carbon matter" to re-construct the bodies.
Don't the teleport boss tell the hero and be killed, as it's a too obvious ripoff off the total recall scene, where the "sweat drop" give arne the game away and he kills him. Read the books. Get something more original!
Remeber the ending has to be "duel" why shouldn't this be a comedy? To give it a unique position in SciFi Film making!

Cheers

haniff

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, helvetica, sans serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ravenhill:
I'm working on a script at the moment - just sketching it out at present - and I'm a little bit stuck with certain aspects.
Here's a quick run through:

Set some time in the future, mankind has spread to the moon and Mars. A definite class system has sprung up with the upper echelons of society able to afford to move to Mars and enjoy its beautifully built properties and scenery. Meanwhile, the lower classes have to continue to live on Earth which is filthy, polluted and dying.
Joel, our main character, works for a construction company as a sales representative. When a colleague of his is taken ill Joel is asked to take over a series of business negotiations for a long term contract on Mars. The quickest way to get to Mars is teleport - stick with me on this.
The teleport process is simple: a full anatomical scan takes place, then a brain scan. Finally, the person is broken down into their molecular components and sped through space to their destination where they are reassembled.
At least that's what the teleport company tells people.
In reality, it's much easier to perform the scans, send the information and construct a new body from stock atoms at the destination. The person's original body is then destroyed.
However, Joel is given insufficient anaesthetic and wakes up after the scans have taken place.
The brain scan has sent him into a temporary amnesia. He escapes from the building by leaping out of a window and is presumed dead. He goes to a church and collapses on the doorstep, spending the next month in a coma.
Meanwhile, the teleport technicians on Mars have received the data and construct a new Joel - or Joel2 - who then proceeds to carry on with the business meeting, etc.
Joel2 meets a woman in his hotel and takes her to dinner. Eventually, he succeeds in winning the contract, gets a high-level promotion and decides to stay on Mars with the girl. He ends his relationship with his girlfriend on Earth and transfers his money to a Mars based bank account.

Joel awakes from his coma and is extremely confused. He has no idea who he is. Little by little, his memories come back and he is able to piece a few facts together. He realises that this person on Mars, Joel2, is pretending to be him. He must travel to Mars to kill Joel2 and get his life back.

The important thing however, is that neither of these people are 'the bad guy'. They are exactly the same person.

In the end, Joel and Joel2 work together to defeat 'the common enemy'.

I also have an idea whereby someone of importance, maybe the boss of the teleport company, tells Joel that Joel2 doesn't exist, he is a figment of his imagination caused by the extreme physical shock of the brain scan. A whole explanation of the situation would become apparent and it would certainly seem that Joel is quite, quite mad.
However, the boss of the teleport company makes a silly mistake by indicating where Joel2 is standing. If he is in Joel's mind, how does the chairman know where he's standing? Joel probably shoots him after that.

I have lots of little ideas - for instance what does the teleport company do with the dead bodies? Soylent Green anyone? -but basically I just want to know if the general thing stands up.

By the way, constructive criticism, good or bad, is appreciated. Don't just say, 'Total Recall meets Fight Club with a twist of Gemini Man thrown in'.

Thanks everyone.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[N. Foster Tyler]

Take the time out of your schedule to work your material into a good first draft or so. Your answers should start bubbling to the surface by then. Based upon observation, I think you'll get lots of ideas around here, but few workable or original ones.

I don't think I can help you with this. While I respect the genre, I cannot relate to it's conventions.

Give Dan O'Bannon a call.

N. Foster Tyler

[miker]

Sounds like a good idea to me, if only because of similarities to a story of mine. The themes are totally different, only the general situation is the same.

I look forward to seeing your film

[Ravenhill]

Hmmm, a few interesting comments there. Thanks to those of you who have taken the time to reply.
I feel I should point out, if anyone suspects I am being creatively lazy, that I rarely use other peoples ideas in their original form. I find it very useful to share my ideas with others, get feedback, and allow the whole story to churn around in my mind. It sort of helps the train of thought if there are other passengers aboard.
Whilst researching the background to current scientific theories and ideas on teleportation I came across someone who said that several science-fiction writers have already written short stories on the exact same topic.
A little discouraging, but as they say, there's nothing new under the sun.
I must confess that science fiction isn't exactly my favoured cinematic style but, given the content of the story, I can see no way of writing it other than to place it in the future. A shame, because the crux of the whole thing is the relationship between the main character and his 'other' self. A sort of internal struggle externalised into the real world.
Lastly, I have no plans whatsoever to film it myself! It would be much too complex and, ultimately, unfilmable on a low budget. Maybe I'll just try to sell the finished screenplay - if I'm lucky - and plow the money into another venture.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and if anyone else comes up with something to help the story along I'd be very glad to hear of it.

[miker]

Perhaps when my short is completed you can develop it into a feature for me

The galaxy I've created is huge, mind you. The ultimate antagonists are HP Lovecraft style multidimensional beings who are returning to engulf the universe ... oh no! I've said too much!

And I have an EXCELLENT never before done (that I am aware of) method for releasing this mind-bending trilogy to the public. Heh heh heh.

Give it ten years, mind you!!!

[darthshawn]

What I generally do is take my first idea, put it onto a pad of paper with a rough script, then type it in good form.

I'll go over it and take out any cheesy lines, and really mess with it and exeriment by moving around the scenes. Then I go through and touch it up for the final draft.


By the time I am finished I have already removed any problems.

It then becomes my own vision, and anything that has been an inspiration for it is no longer visible.